(continued from "About SYDA Yoga Part 1") - The ashram staff is overworked and mistreated. Endless days and nights of work are required of ashramites for barely any pay or benefits; crowded, substandard living conditions with no privacy are typical; and sudden banishments of people who worked hard and served faithfully for years are common. A number of these people who were thrown out of the ashram by Gurumayi were then told by her that they owe her thousands of dollars for their time with her. Sadly, there are people who are sending her the money she has demanded. - Many of Gurumayi's staff suffer from depression, eating disorders, addictions, and other serious emotional disturbances. Gurumayi has been quietly sending numerous staff members and devotees to therapists and long-term treatment facilities. What is not acknowledged is that long-term exposure to the unhealthy dependency of ashram life and to the relentless emotional and physical demands Gurumayi makes of her staff plays a major role in their ill health. Ashramites usually ascribe this to the never-ending purification process they believe they must experience in order to better serve their guru. - Gurumayi has sent many ashramites to therapists who are devotees. Some of these therapists violate their professional ethics and the confidentiality of their patients by reporting the contents of these sessions to Gurumayi, at her request. Some of us have witnessed Gurumayi, on numerous occasions, laughing derisively with these therapists at the clinical material being presented. - Gurumayi claims to be a renunciate. We did amazing mental gymnastics to overlook or rationalize her expensive taste in jewels, silks and hats; her need to be associated with people of wealth, power and high social status; and her need for whatever she touches to be the finest and most expensive of its kind in the world. We even overlooked the plastic surgery she had to improve the appearance of her cheekbones and jawline. Much of the luxury surrounding Gurumayi is donated by devotees who quickly learn that expensive gifts can buy Gurumayi's attention, or at least get a staff member assigned to pay attention to them. - The project to rebuild Lake Nityananda in the South Fallsburg ashram, which was masterminded by George Afif, has proven to be a fiscal and public relations fiasco for SYDA. They need more money than ever now because they must pay enormous fines for the extensive environmental damage the project caused in Sullivan County, N.Y. SYDA must also deal with a half-million dollar lawsuit from the construction company they contracted with, which was later told by SYDA that they would not be paid for the work they had done. Making convenient use of Afif's "disappearance," they justify their refusal to pay by claiming that Afif was never authorized to hire them in the first place. This is just one of the many ways that SYDA is not honest about its financial dealings. - Mixed messages are ubiquitous in Siddha Yoga in the disguise of spiritual truths. "Respect, love and honor the Self," but remember: you owe everything to the guru, you can call nothing your own, only the guru matters, and you are nothing without her. "The Guru is a perfect mirror," so remember: any complaint, criticism or question you have is simply a reflection of your own impurity. Though of course, the Self is pure, and you are the Self, you're just not pure enough, yet. These and many other crazy-making messages create mind-numbing states that teach people not to trust their own truth. The above points, just some of the aspects of Siddha Yoga we deplore, begin to suggest the pervasive exploitation, manipulation and disempowerment of devotees that we wish to address. This is what we consider to be the real corruption in Siddha Yoga. Even if Gurumayi were perfected or enlightened, which is certainly not the case, her "mission" would never justify the secret deception and cruelty at the core of her ashram. If we close our eyes and ears and mouths to this deception and cruelty; if we retreat to an idealized, magical realm of consciousness and refuse to see and hear those who have been abused and betrayed; if we keep saying "that wasn't my experience," "it didn't happen to me," and "I've never been involved at that level"; or perhaps worst of all, "I know about these things, but I have found a way to accept them;" then we ourselves are perpetuating the cycle of abuse. It is painful to realize now how we were seduced, step by step, into sacrificing our truth, our values, our morals, our reality, and our very sense of self to protect and defend Muktananda and Gurumayi. They preyed on our longing and our vulnerability and we tried to mold ourselves to be what they required of us. We thought if we just chanted more Guru Gitas, gave more money, did more seva, slept less, ate less, smiled more, took one more Intensive, dressed this way instead of that way, dyed our hair, grew it back natural, cut it all off, gave the right gift, told the right joke, did the right trick; then maybe the guru would grace us with her approval and validate our existence. When we finally caught our breath, we were amazed to discover how many lies we had told, how Siddha Yoga had taught us to let fear, shame and guilt run our lives. We no longer need to betray our own integrity, trying to get love from a guru whose love is tainted by her need to control and exploit others. After many years, we've learned that our healthiest response to Siddha Yoga has been to leave it. We now know it is not in Gurumayi's or anyone else's power to grant enlightenment. Grace is in each of us to do that for ourselves, each in our own way. Had the climate for telling the truth existed in the ashram, perhaps this letter would not have to be written. But Gurumayi and her swamis are not telling the truth about sexual abuse, about the harassment of Nityananda, and about many other matters. It is sad to witness senior members of the Siddha Yoga community lying. While we recognize the importance of examining the weaknesses in ourselves that led us to become entrapped, this in no way diminishes the fact that Siddha Yoga is fraudulent at the core. As we continue to free ourselves of Siddha Yoga, we are getting back in touch with a fuller range of our feelings. This has been difficult, because we worked so hard to limit ourselves only to the narrow range of feelings considered acceptable on the "spiritual path." We are becoming reunited with our intellect, which we were encouraged to still, focus and numb out of existence, at least in part so as to blind ourselves to the deception and hypocrisy we found in the ashram. We are learning again what it means to have free time, to have friends, to play, to be intimate with others. We are learning again what it feels like to take pride in our work, our creativity, our families, our selves, and our spiritual growth, without having to pay what are virtually extortion fees for the guru's "protection." We are free of the guilty need to "owe it all to the guru." This is an anonymous letter because SYDA, represented by its powerful law firms and supported by the personal fortunes of numerous wealthy devotees, can harass its critics not only with expensive lawsuits, but have in the past violently assaulted their critics and attempted to discredit them with malicious lies. They demonstrate a belief they hold in common with other totalitarian systems: that their agenda justifies any kind of behavior, no matter how destructive. We have learned that we can speak no criticism of the guru without istantly being shunned, avoided and labeled mentally unbalanced by those who remain loyal to SYDA. We are hurt, angry and sad about this. We mourn the loss of friends and family we still care deeply for. We hope they will someday allow themselves to know the truth about Siddha Yoga, and that they will cease to allow themselves to be deceived and silenced. Sincerely, Some People Who Have Left Siddha Yoga P.S. This letter is an independent publication which is not sponsored by any organization (including the one listed below), or any group or person associated with any other teacher or guru. Information and support about abuse in religious groups is available through The Cult Awareness Network (C.A.N.), (312) 267-7777, 2421 W. Pratt Blvd., Ste. 1173, Chicago, IL 60645.